YMonday, January 30, 2006
it scares me wen i see u change..into someone i disdained
scares me wen im put in second place again.
scares me wen i see u drifting away..lost in the rain
u noe the feelin that u get wen u think that u're a burden to the one person who means the world to you..? like she dun wana be wit you cuz she feel like ur just gona cause her problems..mebe a form of restriction..
and all of the favours tat she does fer you are just due to her obligations to u.
claimed to be her "life" or something..her so-called "reason" for living..
now, i duno..if it's all true..or are they just merely words. that's been constantly mouthed, spitting saliva everywhere..
none of which comes from the heart..
i wonder..
do u fathom the meaning of "actions speaks louder than WORDS"..?
u know..it really just doesnt matter to me anymore..
all i have is myself..
and that's all it is.
i can only trust me.
i've been bounded by promises..beautiful words of hope..and faith.
all of which means nothing. i dun care about whether or not ur around..
or if i am ur priority or if u even give a damn.
i dun give a shit anymore.
i am sorry tho that i've troubled u in so many ways..i apologize in u having to constantly put up wit them cuz of me.
cuz tats just me aint it..?
trouble.menace.nuisance.pest.
ur gona read tis..and apologize again..try to xplain ur position again.
do the same ol shit again. say u realised again.
y not just record all that and put it on replay..the next time u fucked up.
bollocks.i dun care.i hate my damnest in everything.
i hate my benovelence.
i HATE the fact that i cant literally HATE. i despise the fact that i'd be forgotten and hurt time and time again.
i can't handle the fact that i dun have anyone to talk to wen im crying in the night in solitude. i just cant. i am crying..and there's no one to open my mouth to.no one.goodness..
i dun wana wish or hope cuz it takes me nowhere. cuz it'll never happen.
cuz it'll just bring in more pain. i dun believe in miracles..cuz it doesnt exist.
that's why it's called a freakin miracle.dammit.
how could you be my one and only when im not yours.?
im sick of crying cuz u do this again.
im sick of seein u morph into someone familiar..
im sick of u putting me in third place
im sick of you pretending like u noe me.
u don't know me.
u just dont really know me.u cant read me like a book.
tho i may be predictable, u'll never know wats running thru my mind.
never.
no one ever will.
altho it hurts to see you disappear..
i'ma accept it..and be on my own..
from now on
it just me and this demented world.
_callous_ was here with you at
